


I have always loved you

by TheLittleDarkQueen



Series: Still, I love you. [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Admiral Shiro, Angst, Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Crying Keith (Voltron), Keith in love with Shiro, M/M, Married Couple, Married Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), Masturbation, Not A Fix-It, POV Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Post-Canon, Sad Keith (Voltron), Sexual Fantasy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28250421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleDarkQueen/pseuds/TheLittleDarkQueen
Summary: "The void in his chest resurged with the thoughts of his loved one. And the pain, that too.He knew the moment he stopped he would be filled with thoughts of him. He closed his eyes, remembering the face of the elder. His sweet gray eyes looking at him with a smiley face. With his hand linked to another man, the one he had chosen."Keith had always been in love with Shiro, but he married another man. The situation is getting out of his control.
Relationships: Curtis/Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Series: Still, I love you. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069478
Kudos: 6





	I have always loved you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my name is TheLittleDarkQueen. This is the second oneshot from the "Still, I love you" series. 
> 
> I will update once in a while.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate Kudos and Comments!!
> 
> You can follow me on Twitter if you want @TheLittleDarkQ

He landed on the hangar of the Blade central. The place was full of movement, a lot of ships landing and departing. After becoming an organization focussed in rescue and help for refugees and depleted planets, the Blade of Marmorra started to grow. Not only in importance but in people.

The new recruits were from varied species, most of them focusing their work on logistics to provide different resources to these planets. This was definitely a good thing. A lot of these planets and refugees had been decimated by the Galra and the new faces in the organization made the locals trust them more easily. 

The old rebels were now associated with the Blades too. Things have been working good lately. But that didn't mean that this was all the work they’d been doing. 

There were a lot of old Galra factions, still loyal to the empire. Even after Zarkon and Honerva’s death. This was the most troublesome and violent task, still needed to do, with the endorsement of the Coalition. These factions were not going to be taken down with dialog and negotiations, they still function pretty much with the same violence of the Empire. They needed to be eradicated. And the Blades had been the ones combating with the Empire since before Voltron. They were perfect for the task. 

They still needed recruits for that, so they took the help from some rebel groups and trained the worthy. 

The selection was no easy task, considering the secrecy from the Blades in the old times. So now, they were an organization ‘fully focused’ on helping refugees and depleted planets. But behind the scenes, things hadn’t changed that much. 

The selected, after a lot of background research and dismissed suspicions of Galra infiltration, were trained in the real Blade central. A place secluded and secret, only known by members, where the old leaders were directing their missions. 

But today, Keith was not in the real Blade central. He was on a mission. It wasn’t as important as the others, combating the remaining empire factions. This was an easy and quick thing. 

It was specially ordered by his mother, now her being in the higher ups of the Blades. She originally intended to order Keith a few vacation quintants. Since everything ended, Keith had been working non stop. Partially, because there were a lot of things to do. Overthrowing an Empire causes more chaos than peace. That had been two deca-phoebs ago. 

He obviously took a quintant or two for rest after missions, but that was protocol. His mother wanted him to have an actual vacation. He knew why but he didn’t want that. He needed to be occupied. His rest moments were already difficult to go by. He was used to sleeping from exhaustion, finding that this was the only way to fulfill his rest.

Obviously he rejected his mother’s offer. She knew that pushing that way was not going to be successful. So now, after a little thought, she decided to send him in a lot of these low rank missions that were so under his capacities. Almost as a punishment for his stubbornness.

So yeah, now he was stuck with these low rank missions regarding the transportation of the new recruits from the central base to the secret one. Only working as a pilot. Yes, the knowledge of the real Blade central was only shared with selected people, so transporting these recruits was an ‘important task’ too. But it still was boring as fuck. 

If at least he were in the investigation team for the background research with the recruiters, things would be more interesting. But being a pilot was second nature to him. He could pilot a ship flawlessly and with minimum effort. That leaves a lot of time for thoughts. He didn’t want time for thoughts.

The original reason for these forced missions was because of his exhaustion. He had it under control for almost a deca-phoeb and a half. But now his strength had decreased. He had been severely injured in a past mission for this and the doctors had noticed his recklessness with his sleep and resting habits. 

Still, he’d tried to take the first long term mission after being discharged. And Krolia hadn’t liked that at all. So these missions had resting and sleeping organized cycles. And every one of them had been a nightmare. He wasn’t able to rest at all. He looked even more tired than before. 

He went off the ship and directed to his assigned quarters. They’ll part in twelve vargas. He had time to sleep and slack. And think. Fuck.

The room was small and tidy. He didn’t have a permanent room in the public base, they always assigned a new one to him every time. There was not much there. A small, comfortable bunk, a nightstand, a few chargers for different tech and a virtual screen with the signal of the most known ‘tv’ universe channels. There was a small bathroom with a shower. He opted for starting with that.

He had tried watching the tv till oblivion. It didn’t work, as expected. It was nothing like human tv, and the cultural barriers were so confusing he couldn’t understand a thing. He grew tired of trying pretty fast. So the prospect of watching the roof was more appealing than the tv, still pretty risky. He didn’t have more options, though. 

He showered quick and efficiently. And then he rested on his bed, warm from the shower an naked under the soft sheets. He looked at the roof, inevitably. And his thoughts started to wander. The void in his chest resurged with the thoughts of his loved one. And the pain, that too. 

He knew the moment he stopped he would be filled with thoughts of him. He closed his eyes, remembering the face of the elder. His sweet gray eyes looking at him with a smiley face. With his hand linked to another man, the one he had chosen. That was the brightest face he had ever shown him, while telling him he was going to get married. 

It had been sudden and unexpected. Keith didn’t know the guy, he wasn’t even aware that Shiro was in a relationship at all. He had been busy with the aftermath of saving the universe. But the elder one, never told him anything about a lover. 

They talked as much as possible with their crazy schedules, still being as close as they could with their separate work circumstances. And Shiro never mentioned a thing. 

And after a deca-phoeb he told him, at dinner while being on the Atlas. It was so shocking he probably reacted in the best way, with bewilderment. Barely being able to react and congratulating the couple by default. If he had been aware of the situation he probably would have ruined his friendship forever. After all, he had been in love with Shiro for as long as he could remember. 

So he went to the wedding the month after and then his symptomes started. He wasn’t sure why, he never had trouble with sleeping and resting. Maybe this was the way he was dealing with his broken heart. Really, he was doing a shitty job at it. He couldn’t stop thinking about him so he started working even harder than before. Longer missions meant less time to rest and less time to think.

He knew Krolia was aware. She was his mother. She hadn’t been fulfilling the role for that long but the experience on the quantum abyss had revealed their souls to each other. So she knew  
the real reason, but she didn’t know how to contain him.

With his father, she hadn’t been able to miss him or mourn him. She was busy with her work with the Blades, and she knew she was protecting her loved ones while doing it. She had a purpose. 

So he might have the same coping mechanism as his mother. But things weren’t exactly the same. 

The thing was that Keith thought that he maybe had a chance. 

After everything, they’d been busy with work and mourning Allura. Neither of them had the mindset to think of that. So Keith decided to wait till things were more stabilized. But things were taking more than what he expected. And before he had the chance to confess again, Shiro came with the news, presenting his soon to be husband. 

So he was devastated. He thought he was the one closer to Shiro. At least the elder could have told him he was starting to see someone. Something. The notice had been a painful realization. He had not even been in Shiro’s radar at all. He thought he had grown and had proved to be a good man. Someone worthy of Shiro’s respect. And he knew he was. But that never meant he was deserving of his love. 

He thought he maybe had misunderstood his confession. It certainly hadn’t been the best situation to confess at all. But he did. He thought that perhaps he didn't remember. So he was willing to confess again, properly. He hadn't found the right time. 

And now it was already too late. 

His love still ached with force, now tinted with rejection. He had dealt with his unrequited love for years but this was another thing. Now he will never be the person at Shiro’s side, and he knew that. 

He wanted to decipher how to make it stop. He had been in love with Shiro forever, so he didn’t know how to just… stop. He still cared for the man. And he was defenitely not going to do anything stupid like confess. Still he didn’t know how to get over it. And these new selfish desires kept his mind from sleeping. 

He would trade anything for one memory of them kissing. Just one second. A pec. But he would give his soul for one of him being embraced. Just for once, feeling that he was loved. He could survive the rest of his life just from memories. 

He had been feeling this sensation on his skin lately. He wanted to get rid of it. Shred it and rip it off. 

With these things spiraling his mind, sleep came with difficulty. He was resorting to really embarrassing measures. He called them, delusions. 

He wasn’t proud, but sometimes this was the only way to find sleep when he couldn’t resort to exhaustion. 

With his eyes closed, he started imaging how it would feel to be caressed by those big hands. How it would hear his voice, rasped but sweet, telling him how much he loved him. How much he desired him. 

He made his own hand navigate through his skin, imaging his hand. It would be bigger and firmer. A little bit scratchy maybe. He went over a nipple and gasped. He was hard already. He felt a pang of guilt and pain but he continued. He at least could be this selfish, just a bit.

He redirected his trace to his hardening dick. He engulfed it with his hand, pretending it was his. He imagined the sensation of the elder ragged breath on his neck. The wetness of his lips on his throat. He moaned a little at that. He could even feel the warmth of his skin on his back. 

His cock pulsated a bit and started leaking. Fuck. 

Now his big metallic hand was pressing across his chest, making him closer to the elder’s. His legs tangled, he imagined the thick thighs encircling his.

He was escalating too fast. His body tensing with pleasure. He felt close.

He imagined his voice, on the back of his ear, muttering low.

“Keith, baby. I love you.” 

He came soon after with a high pitched grunt.

The aftermath made his mind blank for a minute but then it came. The remorse. 

His tears began falling without warning. His chest ached and he hated himself. He was ashamed. He shouldn't have used his best friend for that. 

He was a bad friend. 

He lulled in tears till oblivion


End file.
